I’ve had another awakening recently and I wanted to share it with you. I didn’t know how to word it though – and then I interacted with a friend via text, about our journeys so far and I think what I told him may be the way I wish to express it to you all:

“You say many things I can relate to as well. I am learning more every day, about me, and about the beliefs I constructed about myself based upon societal norms, upbringing, shame and circumstance. Just this week I realized that I had created the story I chose to operate by and that the story no longer serves me, who I wish to be. I get to dismantle that story, those self-imposed beliefs and re-write my story with more truth and transparency, with more vulnerability and humility. I also realize based on this experience that my story will continue to evolve, become cleaner, clearer, more true, simpler, as long as I continue to practice self-awareness, slow down, and be present.”

So – I’ve been unraveling about 40 years of … construction, conditioning … the creation, the evolution of present day Kathy. It’s been an interesting and somewhat painful, ego-deflating process.

Over the past weekend I attended a 3-day business conference of the most unique nature and I was presented with the opportunity to own all my misery. By that I mean this: I am 54 years old, and most of my coping skills were developed and locked in by the time I was 25 or so (maybe). I lived a life of avoidance and would not see who I was. I blamed anyone and everyone for the way my life unfolded. Until very recently I did not believe that the way I operated life looked like that.

During a phone call Monday, I had a spiritual experience: BOOM!! Like that, I suddenly saw that the self-doubt voice in my head was created by me and in that realization I discovered I could dismantle that which I created. I could say No when I felt No, I could use my voice and stand up for myself and others, and I no longer need the coping skills of avoidance and blame to live my life.

Now – I also realize that I used those skills for a long time and I may slip back on occasion. I will do my best – today’s best – to remain present, ask myself questions to challenge my personal beliefs and stay true to continuing to let go of that which does not serve me or my fellows. More will be revealed.

November 16, 2019