The Unedited Life

You have no idea who I am. (Okay, that’s a little dramatic – you might know some of who I am… that’s probably more accurate). That’s been my choice. Present my best self. My edited self. You have no idea how many versions of these writings there are before the one you get to see. The final edit.

Truth is: my life is messy. Complicated. Emotional. (And usually, I’m the cause of my biggest dramas) I’m growing. I’m changing. I’m evolving everyday. I’ve made you promises, reader, and I’ve faltered. I’ve re-read some of the posts from before and there are some things I said I was gonna do that I did not follow through with then. You were not important enough. I did not make you a priority.

There may be typos in this post. Okay. My thoughts might not travel a straight line this time. Okay.

I have a few dreams, desires, wants that I’ve kept to myself for too long. Honestly, until recently, I’d forgotten how to day dream. I use to be real good at back when I was six, and ten, and fifteen. But sometimes life beats you down – I let it beat me down. I did not have the tools – I had some coping mechanisms – but no real tools, or support, or any idea how to survive the shit I’d been given to deal with. And I got serious and guarded and distant. I built walls. I got practical. And I got loaded, frankly, for years. To escape. To seek relief. To cope. I hid my light from you, and from me.

Well, I was given the gift of sobriety a while ago and I’ve done some work during the past 15 years – a lot of fucking work, on me, in me – and recently, I found that light. I’ve been practicing day dreaming. And I have some great dreams. I’m turning some of these into goals. Things I want to do. For me. For you.

To get those things done I have to continue to do my work – that work on me. I’ve been building my deeper self every day, and it’s been speeding up, this work. I have a better vision of who I want to be today, and tomorrow, and ideally. And one thing in my list of Be This is to be true to my word. Integrity. Do what I say I’m gonna do.

I’m gonna write. I’m gonna post something. Every day. Not sure what that’s gonna look like . Could be crap. Could be earth shattering. Could be fun, too.

My dad told me often growing up, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” His challenge was this: how did I plan to step into that day?

Today I plan to go all in. And bring you along. If you want to come.

Day three of a transformation opportunity conference I’m attending here in Phoenix wraps up today. I can’t wait!