I Just Stopped
Just now. Well, a minute ago – 13 minutes and 43 seconds ago, actually.
I stopped. I stopped moving. I stopped thinking. I stopped DOING.
I spent 13 minutes and 43 seconds BEING.
Okay, I spent about 7 minutes and 43 seconds BEING. I spent the first 6 minutes feeling restless and fidgety and uncomfortable. I played a calming raindrops meditation with some soothing music in the background, to clear my head, to recenter my being. And I thought. For 6 minutes I squirmed and thought, about all I’d gotten done today and all I still have left to do. I thought about the emotional pain I’ve been living through (putting myself through) and the love I’ve received. I thought about some others and what they might be going through.
Then – I remembered – take a deep breath and let it out, slowly, and with it, let everything go. Everything. Just BE.
And after the second deep breath I began to cry. I let the tears flow. Until they were all gone, for now, I let the tears flow.
After that it was easier. To spend the time BEING instead of DOING, or THINKING OF DOING.
When I felt a smile cross my lips, when I felt my cheeks pull up toward my eyes, I stopped the quiet time. I can continue. I am back where I belong.
I don’t know if you spend a good part of your day jumping from one task to the next. I do. I set timers. I take stretch breaks. I drink water. All that shit is DOING shit. Sometimes – and I forget to do this A LOT – sometimes we just gotta stop. And practice BEING.
Thanks for listening.
Terri Ayala said:
Such a good writer. How did you get so smart so young?
Thanks for the compliment. I keep digging deeper and working hard to be very honest with myself. Courage is the key – facing the fears and doing the work anyway. I appreciate your reading my stuff and commenting. Have a great day!