Tag Archives: Blogging101

Anonymity

21 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by in That's Life

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Anonymity

This is the first word that popped into my head after reading the Daily Prompt. Does it apply here? Let’s see.

Is doing something scary or stressful easier when surrounded by friends, or surrounded by strangers?

Define scary or stressful? One man’s (or woman’s) fear is another man’s challenge. Sometimes those are the same. When speaking in front of a group, both friends and strangers, the room gets warmer, armpits begin to perspire and less eye contact is made. Am I afraid? A little. There is a time limit, a need to convey a thought as clearly and concisely possible, and sometimes the words evaporate. Also, the ego wants a pat on the back for all that wisdom [insert laughter].

Does not knowing a person or a group of people make it easier to face a challenge like public speaking or wearing a new outfit (style) or writing the truth in a blog? Maybe.

Anonymity certainly makes it easier to bare the soul, on the page and in public. As personal growth more firmly asserts itself, I find that I feel less and less fear. Over time I’ve noticed that fear of what people think of me – should I happen to stumble over my words, or my feet, or if someone makes a negative comment about my appearance or my writing – is slowly diminishing.

Friends. I’d prefer to do anything scary or stressful with the presence of my friends and/or family. Why? The presence of trust, love, honesty, support. A real friend or a loving family member, from experience, will gently share the truth, and love me even with my perceived shortcomings.

It’s not so much about where and in front of whom – it is more about being comfortable being me. Walking through fear. Nothing in my life has ever been SO scary or stressful that I couldn’t look back and see the lesson.

Anonymous is good, and loving friends works, too.

Witness Protection

Inspired to Share

18 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by in Blog Newbie, That's Life

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Inspired to Share

One of the actions suggested by the Blogging 101 moderator was to read a few posts, comment on four of them, and from those comments, elaborate.

There is one post I feel especially drawn toward. She writes. I read and feel a connection. This particular post – the inspiration for my post – reminded me of those days when I wake up restless, irritable and discontent without any connection as to why.

This feeling, thankfully, hasn’t come over me in a while, and it took some time to recognize it when it did. That feeling of a heavy weight, of a sorrow, on the heart. In the past the answer was to wallow, to call in sick, to isolate and avoid other people, to ignore the phone when it rang and to generally check out. Eventually it was identified as depression.

When I was young, I checked out with television, reading or playing pretend. When I got older, alcohol then marijuana did the trick. Eventually, those didn’t work anymore. But there was an abundant supply of movies on DVD, and video streaming to keep my mind occupied when it didn’t feel like dealing with life.

A major breakthrough occurred when I realized the depression usually followed a bout of anger kept to myself, unacknowledged and unresolved.  It took several years to discover that the way out of that low, lonely, morose feeling was to take Action – to MOVE. Laying in bed, under the covers, all day while watching movie after movie, or an entire season of a television series while eating a bag of potato chips with onion dip was feeding the depression. Nothing was getting done, I didn’t feel any better (hell, I didn’t FEEL), and I was stuck. I learned some things from listening to people who had gone through the same kind of thing and the main thing was Get Up, Suit Up and Show Up. Take Action and MOVE.

Getting out of bed (dragging my butt from the mattress to the toilet) was the first step. Turning on the shower was next. Getting IN the shower. Washing. Toweling dry. You get the picture.  Doing simple things like that slowly replaced the need to wallow, to succumb to the low feelings.  Some days it took longer – Making it to the parking lot of the office was huge progress. Other days, it lasted until an evening meeting of like-minded folks.

I’ve been through some experiences since the solution of Action that could have been great excuses to check out.  The choice to end my marriage and following through.  The death of my mother and spending the last 33 days of her life by her side. Instead, those experiences made me stronger, more confident in the person I’m becoming. I moved forward through the pain, felt the feelings, and lived through it.

It sounds easier than it is, but with each contrary action – going against the desire to hide from the world – it gets easier.

Thanks, you, for the reminder and the inspiration.

Being Sick Sucks

16 Saturday Jan 2016

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Being Sick Sucks

Heavy weight on the chest, difficulty taking a complete deep breath, coughing until the eyes water, muscles aching from the effort.

How I wish I was better. This is so inconvenient.

We returned from a two-week road trip  last Friday that included a visit to Louisiana to visit my daughter’s family, including two young grand-daughters.  A cold returned with us. In me.

Daughter called while we were driving toward San Antonio, Texas on Highway 10.

“I know you’re going to make it here for sure.  Youngest has a fever.”

When I visited last year, my daughter and I spent the entire visit in the house with one trip to the Pediatrician because both girls were sick.  It was actually a great visit because there was no running around sight-seeing – just us and the grandkids: all babies, all the time. And no cold came back with me.

This year, chasing a storm (that’s kind of an exaggeration – we couldn’t have caught that storm if we’d tried… it was moving fast up the Gulf, through the southeast up to the northeast, leaving broken homes, ice and snow in its wake), we managed to end up at our destination and spent three days with the family, and the sick baby.

The headcold didn’t surface until the day after we left, and it wasn’t a big deal, not really.  A little congestion, a little fatigue, but nothing to worry about. Hot tea, rest, and all will be well. And it was. But the feeling that something wasn’t quite right lingered.

After a visit to the Urgent Care clinic this past Wednesday to rule out bronchitis, pneumonia or strep (and it did),  the doctor prescribed Mucinex, Advil and bed rest, to heal.  So I did. Wednesday evening.

Thursday we made a trip to Disneyland and spent all afternoon and part of the evening there.  Friday it felt like there was a weight on my chest all afternoon.  Today is a little better.

Taking a shower leaves me winded, sitting up for too long wears me out.  Standing in the sun is nirvana.  This little set back reminds me to take it easy.  A cold like this reminds me how I take my health for granted.  This is the first real cold I’ve had in years though and for that I am grateful.

My Journey and The Home Stretch

07 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by in Life of a 50+Student

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My Journey and The Home Stretch

I’ve been attending college since 1999. One class at a time, literally. Not having a goal – a major I felt really strongly about – made for classes I didn’t need, but I enjoyed taking those classes. Photography, How to be a better college student, a bunch of art related courses – those filled my transcript.

Why have I been in college for so long? Life. My life has been run a lot like a game of 52 Pick-up… Random, messy, unorganized.  I was a troubled teen and high school drop-out, I became a mother at 19, I had a short first marriage, I attended a technical school studying graphic design at 23, and I finally entered the work market. No plan. Much like a boat on the sea without a sail, paddles or rudder.

I was presented with many opportunities to learn on the job – my first job out of the tech school was in a print shop. I was taught how to write code setting type on a Linotype machine and how to run a printing press by the press operator.

I built on the skills I had. I learned something new and useful at each job I landed. I had a LOT of jobs during 1989-1990. Self-inflicted misery kept me from excelling. In 1990 I landed a job in a real estate sign shop. The owner purchased a new computer, the Apple, with the new Windows operating system. He asked me if I could figure out how to use it. I did, and my future changed. I learned PageMaker and Word. Those two programs kept me employed for the next ten years, and I added on to them with Excel, Access, CorelDraw, and others. All self-taught.

Frankly, I got lucky…I entered the job market when personal computers did. I got to learn as the computer became more and more embedded in the work place. You could say we grew up together.

I knew nothing about continuing education at the time. I knew how to work hard and gather related skills (everything is related somehow, by the way). I went from a print shop I managed to a corporate forms designer position in 1995. While I was there, feeling superior, empowered and believing my future was secure, the graphic design world changed radically: Apple made the Mac, graphic design went the way of Apple and my PC skills became obsolete, unbeknownst to me. When my secure future dissolved in 1999 through a corporate purchase and dissolution, I could not get a job as a graphic designer – I did not know Apple at all. My skills were repurposed to the position of Administrative Assistant – a noble job making supervisors look good, at which I excelled. But I wasn’t happy.

Lesson learned? Get an education so I could do what I enjoyed, what made me happy to go to work. Strengthen the skills I already have. My formal college education started off pretty sporadic, at first. It became consistent in 2006, after I landed a city position. Still, I didn’t know what I wanted to accomplish.  I have changed my major a few times over the years: Art, Business, and now English. See my post “Did I Ever Tell You…” for the full story. https://snapshotsofeverything.wordpress.com/2015/11/23/did-i-ever-tell-you/

It took me 25 years to return to my roots – be a writer.  I was busy working full time and raising a family – not much time to think about what I really enjoyed, what made me happy even if I wasn’t being paid.

I envy those individuals who knew what they want to do right out of the gate.  I know a few. “I’ve always wanted to be a chef.” … “I’ve enjoyed taking things apart to see how they work since I was a little kid.” … “Math has always fascinated me.” … “I help others get what they need.” These people listened to their hearts instead of those well meaning guides who had their best interests at heart. Or they received the support and encouragement of those well meaning guides to pursue their dreams.

I’ll admit I have only recently learned to listen to my heart. I have only recently been encouraged to do what I love without concern for the monetary return. Someone once shared with me that if I do what I truly enjoy doing, the money will follow. I’ve heard it before. And it’s what I try to share today with those struggling for a future.

I sometimes hear “But I have to pay the bills.” Yes, having a paycheck is important. Get a job that pays the bills. Then, do whatever it takes to do what you enjoy and make a life doing that. Work two jobs – the job you need to pay your bills and the job that will help you hone your dream career. Eventually you will support yourself doing what you love and you can quit the job that got you there. You will be tired, your friends will dwindle for awhile, and you may occasionally question why you are pursuing your dream. If you truly love what you are pursuing, you will answer the question and keep moving forward. You will get to sleep again someday, your friends will change and be suited to you, and you will enjoy what you do to make a living.

I’m in the home stretch – 8 more classes, and I will receive my AA in Liberal Arts, after 25 years of personal growth and education. I can transfer to a University and pursue my Bachelors Degree in English. I’ve really improved my study skills, and my social skills. I will write while I attend school. I am not attending school to get a better job. I am attending school to broaden my horizons, to increase my knowledge, and to socialize, make connections, and gather more life experience.

Enjoy the journey.