Crossing the Velvet Rope

The spinet was beautiful, all polished wood and ivory keys. Sitting on display for all to see, secure, untouchable behind the velvet rope. Should I? I looked left and right, then back at the stool with its yellow, crushed velvet fabric.  Just one tickling of the ivories and I’d return to my place as an admirer. Still no witnesses as I lifted one leg over the ropes. I wobbled. I felt a wave of guilt. My foot returned to the floor, to this side of the velvet rope and an admirer I remain.

Friday Fictioneers: January 22, 2016

Taken For Granted

It was Saturday, December 4, 2015 and I was at home getting things done.  I’d run to the store to pick up some vegetables for a salad and when I got home, I planned to do some laundry, wash the dishes and make a salad. I’d spent most of the morning on the computer, and we had a holiday party to attend later that evening.

At 12:20 p.m. I turned on the washing machine… and nothing happened. Well, there was a small motor sound, but no water. I turned it off and turned it back on. Still nothing. I was baffled, and a little distressed.  I needed a washing machine. I thought, “Good thing my last roommate still has MY washer.  Looks like this one is done.” I sent a message to my husband, telling him that the washing machine appeared to be broken.

I headed into the house to do the dishes. Turned on the faucet. Heard air in the pipes. No water came out. None.

No water.  NO WATER?!

Over the course of a few hours I realized how much I depend on that clear, clean liquid that comes out of every faucet and spigot on our property. I couldn’t rinse the vegetables for the pot luck dish I was taking to the party. I couldn’t wash the clothes I planned to wear. I couldn’t take a shower so I’d smell nice for the party. I couldn’t wash my hands if I decided to work in the garden to pass the time. I couldn’t wash the dishes piled up in the sink.

The water was only off for about four hours, but it was a long four hours.

I’ve been pretty responsible for a couple of years now about not running water if I’m not using it, even turning it off while I am brushing my teeth, but I admit that I still leave it running a lot more than is necessary.

I hear folks talking about the drought, the water shortage, and I don’t think much of it.  But — WHAT IF — one day I woke up and there was no running water? What then?

Today I am much more aware of my water use, and I am grateful for that faucet of running water.

Photo: Logan River, Utah – July 3, 2013 

Insanity. There is a common, although not the textbook, definition among my friends for the word Insanity: doing the same thing, over and over again, and expecting different results. It runs along the same lines of a person asking the same question over and over again because they don’t like the answer being provided.

Denial: the action of declaring something to be untrue.

And lastly, this from the book Alcoholics Anonymous: “Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty.” I pray this is not the case.

I experienced a sad moment today prompting the text above. It breaks my heart when someone I care deeply about practices behavior that revokes their freedom. There is nothing I can do. No words are left to say. They would not be heard. Those words reside in the heart, and when one is ready to hear them, nothing will come between them. This is my belief.  Still my heart aches for their self-imposed suffering, for their insanity, for their denial.

I keep this vague to preserve their anonymity. I share it to provide me relief from the feelings.

There is a solution. Just ask someone for help. And be willing to receive it.

My number one character defect, I think, is that I silently judge. Everything. Everyone.

Today it was the people who were shopping with me at Costco.  Frankly, it was much like driving around the streets of my town: everyone doing their own thing, stopping in the middle of aisles, turning in front of one another without looking first, racing to be first in line… and the product sample tables add to the madness.

While trying to head toward the checkout lanes, I caught myself in a thought: If only these people would obey the ‘signals’ like I do, we’d all have a more pleasant shopping experience. Self-centered thinking. “If you all behaved more like me, you’d be better off and I’d be happier.”

I heard in a 12 Step meeting Monday evening, “We teach what we most need to learn.” The person who shared that followed it with, “When I first heard that, I had NO idea what it meant. I do now.” And today, I better understand it, too. I judge overweight people in line at the fast food joints, I judge those who enhance their looks rather than being themselves, I judge smokers, I judge gossipers, I judge…  And if I looked in the mirror, I’d have to ask myself: “What makes you think you are better than?”

During another meeting last week someone shared that to help them combat that mental litany of judgment they remind themselves that they don’t have all the facts – only their perception of the situation – and they don’t walk in the shoes (or the heads) of those they mentally tear apart.

Of course, I wonder to myself “Why?”  Why do I pick apart those other people to begin with?  Because I am afraid – that I don’t measure up.  Sometimes – more often than not – I feel ‘outside of’ and I feel ‘awkward’ and I use to find other ways to feel different.  Now I mentally tear others down, in my head. And, sometimes, out loud.  Rarely, but I did it just last week.  Knowing that I would feel like I gained acceptance by doing it (though not actually sure of that). And today I’m thinking that it was a childish act. And I don’t want to be that kind of person today.

Awareness is the first step.  Contrary action is the next step. Trusting my Higher Power is the constant step.  Today I am grateful for the awareness and the insight I receive through others.  That’s all for now.

The photograph is of the reflecting pond at Cape Fear Botanical Gardens in North Carolina.