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Remembering

21 Wednesday Sep 2016

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Remembering

ff-prompt-2016-09-23-from-roger-bultot

photo courtesy of Roger Bultot

When I was an adolescent, I could sense extraterrestrials visiting Earth. I would hear a high-pitched tone in my right ear – always the right ear. The first time I heard it, I felt compelled to look to the skies and saw, far off, a shining, oblong shape. It occurred during recess, while playing with my classmates. I believed it was a spacecraft. I shared this information with my playmates. After that, I kept that information to myself. The visits continued to occur for a few years, eventually stopped. I grew up, out grew, forgot. Yesterday, I heard the ringing again.

~~~

I hope you enjoyed reading this, as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks to Rochelle for posting the photo prompt for Friday Fictioneers. Special thanks to Roger Bultot for his thought provoking photograph.

http://www.inlinkz.com/new/view.php?id=663286

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Education: Test Anxiety

20 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Life of a 50+Student

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Education: Test Anxiety

Depression. Irritability. Sadness. Stomach pain. Headache.

I am getting better at identifying my symptoms of test anxiety. Knowing why I’m feeling these symptoms helps a little.

The most difficult part of taking college classes -for me – is the tests. I fear failure. Because good enough isn’t. It’s a core value I was taught – “That’s pretty good. I think you can do better.” (This lesson is most likely based in good, encouraging intention; personal interpretation is subjective though) And, really, who wants to bring home less than an A?

I imagine some of the people who suffer from this get over test anxiety as they mature – after all, it’s only a test. And I have become a very good student. My gpa is a consistent 4.0. I pass all my quizzes and exams with high marks. I study and I do well.

Still, those symptoms returned over the weekend – I have two quizzes scheduled this week. American Government and Liberal Math.

Recognizing that I still have fear of failure and knowing I do well on quizzes, doesn’t eliminate the somewhat Pavlovian response to these necessary academic measuring sticks.

And maybe my fear lies in knowing these are the last two classes I need to finish my AA degree in Liberal Arts. Not passing – which, based on my track record, is highly unlikely – means I’ll need to take these classes again in the Spring. Not a big deal (unless you think the symptoms indicate otherwise) but also not part of the plan. My plan. To put this type of education in the rear view for now.

Time may be the only answer – keep taking tests until this response is almost nil. If you’d like to respond, I’m open to anything you’ve actually tried that helped you.

The Squash Garden Patio Project

18 Sunday Sep 2016

Posted by in Gardening, Photographs, That's Life

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The Squash Garden Patio Project

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June 21, 2016: Future Patio cordoned off

I had this grand plan over the summer – I wanted a patio area, so we could entertain. We live in a small house of maybe 900 square feet on a large lot of around 6,000 square feet – all the comforts without any extra interior space. Literally, the office, the living room, the dining room and the den are all in one room – about 16 feet by 18 feet. Having folks over for dinner or a visit is a bit of a challenge. So, the Grand Plan: cordon off some outside space, have a patio installed, build a cover and voila – Space to entertain!

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June 21, 2016: Facing North. The Grand Patio Plan (15 feet by 17 feet)

But time was against it – another project held higher priority – and it didn’t get done. And because I had watered the area in anticipation of obtaining bids and going forward with that installation, some kind of squash volunteered to take up space.

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August 7, 2016: Volunteers and Recruits

Seeing an alternative opportunity, my husband decided to supplement the volunteers with some recruits – having started seedlings without borders – and planted some corn, some pumpkins, some butternut squash, some acorn squash, some spaghetti squash, some zucchini and some yellow squash, and some watermelon. A seemingly innocent plan for some winter vegetables…

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August 19, 2016: Volunteers are the larger plants, Recruits are smaller but catching up, Corn rises in the North.

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September 9, 2016: Baby Pumpkin, one of many

Then we went out of town for 10 days during which time my son came by to water the plants so they wouldn’t die off. We came home to a small field of green leaves.

The garden just keeps growing…

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September 13, 2o16: There are many immature fruit under all that leaf cover: butternut, acorn, spaghetti and pumpkin. Watermelon volunteer sports leaves in the foreground. (Can you spot the baby watermelon?)

This is the squash garden, with corn accompaniment, today:

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September 18, 2016: Around 9:00 am this morning… and still it grows.

I’m not clear on how we are going to get the squash out of the garden – I picked two zucchini last night, found after a ten-minute search. Horticulture Professor Husband says that the winter squash plants die off when the fruit is ready, so that will make those easier to find, if the plants don’t cover the entire property first. We can walk behind. The watermelon and the zucchini squash … that’s a different story.

I am truly grateful that we have a place to grow such an abundance of food, that the soil is happy and healthy, and that the plants seem bountiful. I hope you enjoyed this snapshot of the fall garden. Patio project on hold until next Spring.

Writing, Just to Write

14 Wednesday Sep 2016

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Writing, Just to Write

I haven’t written since July. The last thing I posted was the Door Knob. I was inspired to write about the door knob. It came to me, I got it down as soon as I could, and I really liked it. Write, just to write.

Often, when I want to post something, I’m nowhere near a pen and a pad of paper, or a computer, or cell phone. When I sit down in front of the computer and open up the Post page, I can’t remember the profound, amazing thought I was having earlier.

I was in self-pity last night: that my youth, my potential for future success was stolen – by circumstances beyond my control, by poor choices that were in my control. That lasted about 10-15 minutes. Then I put it away and went to sleep.

Last night’s pity party began in fear: “I only have so much time left”, “I spent so much of the time between 1979 and 2008 just getting by, and I feel like I’m getting closer every day to my purpose and WHAT IF I run out of time before I realize it?” I am afraid of running out of time before I ‘make my mark,’ leave behind a worthy legacy, prove (to who? to me? to the committee?) that I have value, and I DIDN’T waste so many years of my life. So, there’s where some of the fear lies.

I finished reading Walt Disney: An American Original a couple of weeks ago, and I cried during the part where he dies. (I knew he had died, but to read about his entire life and then get to that… well, read it. You’ll get it.)

See, early on in Walt’s life, he was concerned that he didn’t have enough time to do all the things he imagined, and some of the things he hadn’t imagined yet. And when he died, he wasn’t done yet (Walt Disney World was still on the drawing board, and a ski resort was in the works, too). He pushed himself hard every day, and never settled for second best (and had a nervous breakdown), and he still had so much to give. It seems, from what I read, that Walt knew very early in his life what he wanted to do, he followed that dream, and no one ever knocked him off that path. And his legacy – the people he touched, and who carried his vision – continued long after he passed. It’s still going. And his story resonated deeply in me.

Last night, I felt robbed. And I felt like the thief.

I don’t have a degree – yet. Heck, I don’t have a high school diploma. I’ve rarely had a single direction. (Think pinball) But I didn’t let that stop me from making a good living, having a family, doing enjoyable things and living my life.

And today – right now – I realize that: 1) I have enough time, b) I’ve already left a legacy, and iii) I will do what is in front of me today, and trust the outcome will be exactly what it is suppose to be. No more spending energy feeling like I missed something – like the boat or the call. No more wondering where I fit in, and what I am suppose to be doing. (Okay, realistically, there may be a little of that – of both those things – occasionally, but I’m going to keep it to a minimum and let it go the minute I recognize that I’m sliding back into self-pity.)

I’m in my final semester of community college, I’ve almost finished the bathroom counter top mosaic, and the garden is healthy. My romantic relationship is strong, as are my friendships and my family relationships. I am healthy, I have a washer and dryer right outside the backdoor and I am grateful every day for the life that I have been given. I do the best I can each day with what I’ve got, and every day I’m a little better than I was the day before.

As for my purpose, maybe I’ve already realized it and I just haven’t recognized it – yet.

Educating Kathy – Week Ending Feb. 5, 2016

06 Saturday Feb 2016

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Educating Kathy – Week Ending Feb. 5, 2016

Week One is complete – 15 to go.

Made a To Do list to help keep up, stay on track.

One homework assignment: create a Weekly Study Schedule. Realized that I enrolled in one too many classes – too many study hours required overall (I have to eat, after all, and shower, and spend a little time with myself).

Originally enrolled in:

  • American Literature from 1865,
  • Biology,
  • Geography,
  • Geography Lab, and,
  • Creative Writing.

Note: I am a high school drop-out. Took the ‘easy’ way out (which has proven to be the harder way) in my junior year – never took a literature class or a science class or a math class in high school. 35 years later I’m learning about things that my classmates have more recently experienced.

I have learned the art of studying over the past few years – different styles for different subjects.

The Biology professor sent an email to students TWO WEEKS before the class began, listing required reading, and a pre-lecture worksheet to be completed and handed in at the beginning of class.  Students are up to speed and professor can emphasize and clarify rather than walking a room full of students through the basics.  Brilliant, frankly. Already digging this professor.

Geography is interesting. Professor here is also a kick, humorous and no-nonsense. Knows his stuff. I’m looking forward to both science courses.  There is a lab tacked onto this class – 3 hours of lecture, 3 hours of lab. One reinforces the other. Should be a snap.

Creative Writing. My original choice for the semester. I want to become a better writer. Education is to get educated, right? Seems the logical choice. As long I can remember that I walk in knowing very little, that’s why I enrolled, to LEARN. (In the beginning of this education phase, I would be very hard on myself about not knowing, about my ignorance. I wanted to quit because everything was so foreign to me.  It was pointed out to me that I enrolled because I DIDN’T have this knowledge. I was taking the class to learn about… Math, Philosophy, Public Speaking. Not many enroll in a class where they already know the material.)

And finally, American Literature from 1865.  This is no longer in my schedule. American Literature requires as much reading as do the other three classes, and I lack strong retention abilities. I do not need this course to graduate. I do need this course to transfer into an English program at University. I can take it later, after the required General Education courses are complete.

Do what is manageable, reasonable. I have 30 years of work experience. I do not need to overdo this.

My first week was the introduction to what I’m committing to this semester. I’m all in.

One last thing: I’m going to be in the school paper. Monthly “Man-on-the-Campus” thing. Question: What does Love mean? Nothing like a simple question to start of the school year. Once it comes out, I’ll let you know how I answered that one. I frankly do not remember.