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Tag Archives: Relationships

The Nuances of Life

23 Saturday Mar 2019

Posted by kathyd65 in Transition, Truth Mostly

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Life, Personal experience, Relationships, truth

The Nuances of Life

I was about to drift off to sleep and I was thinking – as I’m sure some of you do as you drift off to sleep – thinking about a live event I get to attend on Tuesday, and the person I get to learn from, and his language which is similar to my language. By that I mean, I drop ‘f’ bombs when appropriate (and sometimes when its not so appropriate), and so does he – and he is real, he is authentic. What you see is what you get. (Although I’ll find out Tuesday when I meet him in person.)

And that thought led to a conversation I had the other day with a friend, discussing that she didn’t know how to be – that different situations called for a different representation of herself (this is more cerebral and detailed than the actual conversation was). Something that prompted me to think, “Why can’t you just be YOU regardless of the company?”

And tonight, thinking about Tuesday as I drifted off to sleep, I realized that I am not the same me to everyone I meet. Some people wouldn’t respond to me the same as other people do. Which means – that while I am working toward being an authentic single version of me, I am still holding back, or masking certain aspects of my personality to appease others. I still give a shit what people will think of me long after we part ways. I behave the way I think they will best respond to instead of adhering to a personal set of values that do not waver, and not worrying about what other people think of me.

What other people think of me is out of my hands, out of my control. Spending time and energy attempting to control that subtracts from my mission to be authentic, to be me. The best version of me continues to evolve but ultimately the core values are just that – core.

When I thought about who I am most real with and why, it shed light on who I am not authentic with, and why not.

So as I drift off to sleep tonight, I will go to sleep knowing that tomorrow I will review my core values and I will stick to those when I interact with everyone. And those who align with my core values will seek a relationship with me and those who don’t won’t.

And either way, it’s none of my fucking business. I’ll treat each one with the same level of love, tolerance and respect I’d like to receive.

Maybe you have some thoughts on what authentic means to you, and what core values you live by on a day to day basis. I’d love to hear about them. Comment below, please. Let’s get to know each other a little better.

Until I hear from you, goodnight.

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Ah-Ha Moments: What’s My Part?

18 Friday Jan 2019

Posted by kathyd65 in That's Life, Transition, Truth Mostly

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Friends, Life, Personal experience, Relationships, truth

Ah-Ha Moments: What’s My Part?

(This was written early last year; briefly edited just now)

First I’m gonna hit you with some insightful text:

“…we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.” (page 62, Alcoholics Anonymous

One of the more difficult parts of growing up – for me – is admitting and accepting that I have a part in all my interactions, even the ones that go in a direction I hadn’t intended.

Recently, I had an encounter with a friend that left me with hurt feelings. “This may get your hackles up…,” I said, setting this friend up to prepare, to defend… and this friend reacted exactly as anyone on the outside might have predicted: hackles went up. That was my perception, anyway.

Except that in that moment, I didn’t see it that way. I didn’t register defense, I heard attack. “…seemingly without provocation…” And my feelings were hurt.

I am grateful I spoke to someone afterward about the encounter and my reaction. I am grateful that the person I spoke to always has my best interests at heart and feels safe in being gently honest with me about my part. I realized that I often ‘set folks up’ to react defensively – my ego still thinks it knows others well enough to predict their responses. I also speak before my head knows what’s coming out of my mouth. Truth is, I know very little about how someone is going to react to my words. I need to attend to my part of the equation instead, to state my truth, to share my self, and to let the other person sort it out as they see fit. Practice kindness, too, and show compassion. Think about my intention before I open my mouth.

Maybe watch for those toes, too, while I’m at it.

Catch Those Fleeting Moments

29 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by kathyd65 in That's Life

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Life, Memories, Personal experience, Priority, Relationships

Catch Those Fleeting Moments

DSCN5926 Barrel Cactus Bloom 2018-04

Small Barrel Cactus in Bloom. Kathleen Dixon (c) 2018

It’s so easy to miss those fleeting moments that cannot be retrieved. The small, still, memorable moments of joy. I’ve let so many slip away over the years… simply by allowing less important things to take priority.

Today, I make an effort to participate in those fleeting moments.

For example, about 10 days ago, I was preparing for an intense, four day motivation and education training. Planning and packing, checking lists… you know, getting ready to focus all my energy on this event I signed up for, that I wanted to participate in. And sometime during the planning and the packing, I heard those words. Fleeting Moments.

I immediately stopped what I was doing and I sent my daughter a text. My children are grown. My grandchildren are not. For the next twenty minutes, my husband and I video-chatted with our youngest grand-daughter. She is almost four. She is happy when she sees us. She smiles and giggles and shares her thoughts. She has grown from a toddler into a little girl in the past few months. And we are there for that. It was joy. We brought joy to her and she unknowingly returned it ten-fold.

This post was prompted by the accompanying photo. I tend to stuff my days with tasks, activity. I usually hold a one hour meeting every morning with myself and then I hit the ground running. I fall into tunnel-vision: how much can I get done today? Usually, too, I do a lot of busy work. And I forget to check in with my spouse. AND… sometimes, I put off his requests in favor of my busywork… stuff that could wait, even for the few minutes he wants to tell me something, or show me something.

I fight the voice inside me that says, “In a minute, I’m RIGHT in the middle of task number 187.”

Today, he called through the bedroom window. Asked me if I ‘d seen the barrel cactus this morning. And that voice spoke up… however, today I made a choice. I told the voice that we had five minutes, that the task I had just begun wasn’t going anywhere and that he was more important than gathering the week’s account balances.

You see, I HAD seen the cactus earlier this morning. It has some small, fuzzy, white fluff growing on it and I’d made a mental note to ask him about it. (My mental notes are also fleeting, by the way). I stopped what I was doing and I went outside to look at the cactus, to ask him about those fuzzy white puffs. And on that cactus I’d seen only an hour before was this delicate, hot pink bloom. As you can see, it is a spectacular little flower. It will only last a day or two, and it won’t bloom again for a long time.

I would have missed that bloom and my husband’s attempt to share it with me, if I’d listened to that little voice.

I am certainly grateful to know – at least for today – where my real priorities lie, and that the fleeting moments are the ones that make my life one worth living.

She forgot her place

23 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by kathyd65 in Fiction, That's Life

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Tags

Fiction, Life, Memories, Personal experience, Relationships, truth

She forgot her place

A 15 year old criminal, guilty of grand theft auto, placed in a home with other delinquent girls. Alone, afraid, no confidence. Her experience taught her no one was trustworthy.

But the girls reached out and slowly she responded. Shared a little of her story, allowed herself to be vulnerable. Still shy, quiet, and fearful, she knew her place.

The head girl offered the make over and the others encouraged her to accept. She tried to politely beg off but when the head girl expressed hurt, rejection, she gave in.

They accepted her, she thought, made her pretty, fawned over her, boosted her self worth. She hadn’t experienced this kind of sisterhood in a while, she liked the attention, the ego boost. She felt more confident, more worthwhile.

Her newfound confidence and happiness, a gift they bestowed upon her, somehow backfired, caused the other girls to feel threatened. They turned on her, called her a bitch, accused her of being stuck up. Confused and hurt, she tried to make it right, removed the make up, messed up the hair, but it didn’t help.

She’d simply forgotten her place in this world. That would not happen again.

How Well?

22 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by kathyd65 in That's Life

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Life, Memories, Personal experience, Relationships, truth

How Well?

It’s easy to convince yourself that you really know someone. At least, speaking for myself, it was easy for me. Probably easier to believe that you know your parent better than most people you know – I mean, who else have you had a relationship with since birth, but your mom or dad? (If either one of them stuck around following the blessed event, of course)

I never gave it any thought growing up – did I know my mom? She was my mom. Certainly it should go without saying that I knew her, and well. When her ovarian cancer returned, I gave it plenty of thought. After reading a book about dealing with cancer I made the time, I interviewed my mom. My intention was to help her to realize her part in the grand scheme of things, to help her find a reason to fight harder to live. Instead,  I realized in taking the time to get to know her, I didn’t really know her as well as I thought. I also learned that she’d been dealt a pretty raw hand before she ever reached puberty.

After she died, all I had gathered during the ‘interview’ was all I had. Before she died, I liked to tell myself that I knew my mother better than my brother did – but I didn’t. How could I? I knew a few things different than he did, that’s all, but he spent his adult life being a part of her life and I didn’t. There are some things she and I had in common. And I did pay attention, much more attention in those last three years. I am grateful for the time we spent together, the wounds we healed, and the new memories we shared.

I realized that if I want to be a part of someone’s life, I have to do my part. I know the phone goes both ways. So does the mail, the email, the Facebook. I think I’d prefer to get to know someone better the old fashioned way – face to face, or on the phone – voice to voice. And be forewarned, I’ll be taking notes.

I’m just saying, if I think I know someone well, maybe – just maybe – I don’t. But I can change that. Starting today.

The Project

24 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by kathyd65 in Fiction

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

100 words, Fiction, Relationships, Story

It’s that time again – Friday Fictioneers 100-word story from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ photo prompt. I hope you enjoy it.

FF Prompt 2106-02-26 al_forbes

PHOTO PROMPT – © Al Forbes

The Project

Nick looked in the side mirror of his dad’s SUV at the old cars tied to the trailer.

“Why did you buy those old heaps?” They run on steam. Lame.

Dad sighed. Slowly. They aren’t heaps.

“They’re project cars. To work on during our weekend’s together.” Teenagers.

Nick’s turn to sigh. Deeply. Oh joy.

“Every weekend?” I do not want to spend ‘our’ weekends fixing YOUR cars.

Dad gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. Stay cool.

“Well – yeah – for a few hours anyway. You know, something different.” Divorce sucks.

Nick sat sullenly. “I guess.” Divorce sucks.

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Recent Posts

  • Belonging September 30, 2022
  • Once in a Lifetime September 12, 2022
  • Lego Life Lesson Reminders April 9, 2019
  • The Nuances of Life March 23, 2019
  • The Little Writer That Could March 19, 2019

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