Tag Archives: Personal experience

She forgot her place

23 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Fiction, That's Life

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She forgot her place

A 15 year old criminal, guilty of grand theft auto, placed in a home with other delinquent girls. Alone, afraid, no confidence. Her experience taught her no one was trustworthy.

But the girls reached out and slowly she responded. Shared a little of her story, allowed herself to be vulnerable. Still shy, quiet, and fearful, she knew her place.

The head girl offered the make over and the others encouraged her to accept. She tried to politely beg off but when the head girl expressed hurt, rejection, she gave in.

They accepted her, she thought, made her pretty, fawned over her, boosted her self worth. She hadn’t experienced this kind of sisterhood in a while, she liked the attention, the ego boost. She felt more confident, more worthwhile.

Her newfound confidence and happiness, a gift they bestowed upon her, somehow backfired, caused the other girls to feel threatened. They turned on her, called her a bitch, accused her of being stuck up. Confused and hurt, she tried to make it right, removed the make up, messed up the hair, but it didn’t help.

She’d simply forgotten her place in this world. That would not happen again.

How Well?

22 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by in That's Life

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How Well?

It’s easy to convince yourself that you really know someone. At least, speaking for myself, it was easy for me. Probably easier to believe that you know your parent better than most people you know – I mean, who else have you had a relationship with since birth, but your mom or dad? (If either one of them stuck around following the blessed event, of course)

I never gave it any thought growing up – did I know my mom? She was my mom. Certainly it should go without saying that I knew her, and well. When her ovarian cancer returned, I gave it plenty of thought. After reading a book about dealing with cancer I made the time, I interviewed my mom. My intention was to help her to realize her part in the grand scheme of things, to help her find a reason to fight harder to live. Instead,  I realized in taking the time to get to know her, I didn’t really know her as well as I thought. I also learned that she’d been dealt a pretty raw hand before she ever reached puberty.

After she died, all I had gathered during the ‘interview’ was all I had. Before she died, I liked to tell myself that I knew my mother better than my brother did – but I didn’t. How could I? I knew a few things different than he did, that’s all, but he spent his adult life being a part of her life and I didn’t. There are some things she and I had in common. And I did pay attention, much more attention in those last three years. I am grateful for the time we spent together, the wounds we healed, and the new memories we shared.

I realized that if I want to be a part of someone’s life, I have to do my part. I know the phone goes both ways. So does the mail, the email, the Facebook. I think I’d prefer to get to know someone better the old fashioned way – face to face, or on the phone – voice to voice. And be forewarned, I’ll be taking notes.

I’m just saying, if I think I know someone well, maybe – just maybe – I don’t. But I can change that. Starting today.

Driver Safety: Using That Turn Signal

10 Tuesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Driving Safely, That's Life

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Driver Safety: Using That Turn Signal

Happy New Year! It occurred to me while driving home in my rental car that I have a few pet peeves about other drivers. I imagine many of us do. I also believe that I am a pretty good, safe driver. I also imagine that many of us do.

I have almost 35 years of driving in Southern California under my belt. In that time, I’ve been responsible for four accidents – once in the rain when I was 17; once on a freeway on ramp when I was 24; once turning against a red light when I was 34 or 35; and, last Friday, when I backed up in a turn lane, into the gentleman waiting behind me. An average of an accident every 8.75 years.

I see traffic laws violated on a daily basis, on the city streets and on the freeway. I thought maybe I’d share my two cents (my pet peeves) about traffic safety and how to be a safer driver for all those folks around us on the road. I imagine some people have become complacent and just follow the examples others set, and others somehow got their licenses out of sheer luck, and just follow the examples other set. Maybe, if more of us set a better, safer example, there will be less stress on the roads and less accidents.

Lesson One: Turn Signals

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Every car comes with a set. I think the manuals that come with the vehicles – cars, trucks, motorcycles – call it an indicator light. As in “let me indicate to you that I am going to change lanes or turn.”

How does one use the indicator light? Usually it’s like this: Left Turn, push indicator stick down. Right Turn, push indicator stick up.  You paid for the indicator system when you bought the car. May as well utilize it.

When should one use the turn signal? Whenever one wishes to change lanes, or turn a corner. My son-in-law visited from a less populated city, and mentioned that most people in Southern California signal in the middle of changing lanes, as an afterthought, if they signal at all. He added that allowing the turn signal to blink three times before executing a lane change ensures better odds that the cars around me will see that I plan to change lanes, allowing for a warning to them and an opportunity to respond (either to let me in or speed past me). He was right – that three-blink moment of pause does wonders for my sense of peace, and as a warning to those around me.

I generally use my turn signal every time I am going to change lanes – whether there are cars around me or not. It’s become a habit, and I am less likely to run into another vehicle if we both know what I am about to do.

I get annoyed when another driver doesn’t use their signal and bolts into the lane in front of me. More often I see small, fast cars who think they are in the Indy 500 darting in and out of traffic, endangering themselves and those around them, without use of that turn indicator. I get a small amount of satisfaction when I meet them at the red light ahead.

So – use the turn signals to indicate a lane change, or when turning into a parking lot, or when planning to turn at a signal. Fellow drivers may appreciate it and may even pay it forward.

Pause

09 Sunday Oct 2016

Posted by in Fiction, That's Life, Writing

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Pause

Head down, collar up, feet moving, thumbs texting. Distracted. Absently reaching for the handle, I pulled a door open and entered.

“Please, silence your cell phone.” I looked up, startled. “Turn it off.” Smiling, her face was transformed into love in a hundred soft creases.

I complied. She gestured toward another set of doors and bowed her head slightly. My feet moved forward before my mind caught up. I pushed through the heavy, silent doors and as they closed behind me, I exhaled slowly. Here, hidden in this noisy, busy city, was a haven of peace. The Japanese garden.

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photo prompt courtesy of C.E. Ayr

Friday Fictioneers: The rules: 100 words, no more, inspired by the weekly photo prompt. Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for the weekly prompt and to C.E. Ayr for the photo.

An InLinkz Link-up

Disney Memories: Haunted Mansion 1970

22 Thursday Sep 2016

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Disney Memories: Haunted Mansion – March 1970

Here’s how I remember it: For my fifth birthday, my parents took me and my three year old brother to Disneyland. (This was my first trip to the Magic Kingdom). My memories of that day are bookmarked in my head by two glossy black and white photographs with crinkly edges adhered to a black construction paper page in a long lost photo album that had a deep red cover. In one photo, taken on the Dumbo the Flying Elephant Ride, is my mother and my little brother in the elephant directly behind me and my dad. In the other photo, taken by my mother, is me and my dad in our elephant.

Another memory returned to me the other night while I was remembering being on Tom Sawyer Island: my first trip through the Haunted Mansion.

This is what the front of the Haunted Mansion looked like, circa 1970. A huge thank you to Dave (“Major Pepperidge”), author of Gorillas Don’t Blog, who graciously allowed me to use his personal Haunted Mansion photo.

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Haunted Mansion, Disneyland, circa 1970 – photo courtesy of Dave, Gorillas Don’t Blog

Imagine if you will, a five year old girl entering a large, dark foyer, holding her father’s hand. A wall in the foyer opens and a very solemn host ushers a large group of people from the dark foyer into a even darker octagonal-shaped room with four portraits hanging way up high. Keep in mind that the little girl stands about buttocks high to many of the other guests in the tightly packed room. (I think my dad might have picked me up – I had my hands over my eyes for most of this ride.) Then the wall closes again and that deep, resonating voice tells it’s tale while the walls stretch to reveal some unusual portraits: “And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows and no doors. Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! [laughter] Of course, there’s always my way.” And with that, lighting cracks, thunder rumbles, and the ceiling reveals a body hanging from a noose.

That was IT for me – I was completely terrified. And we hadn’t even gotten out of the elevator yet. Then we walked down that long, dark hall leading us to our fate, me taking in the paintings that changed with the lightening. The busts at the end of that hall following us with their eyes as we walked by. We climbed into the aptly named Doom Buggy and rode the ride, me and my dad, and I held my hands over my eyes, with my head against my dad’s chest, for most of it. (I do remembering peeking a FEW times. Once down the hall of doors, but a glimpse of the breathing door stopped that nonsense. But curiosity got the best of me a few more times:  Another peek while passing through Madame Leota’s seance. I’m also pretty sure I peeked during the dining room scene – Hamilton and Burr in a duel, I remember that. And once during the graveyard scene: a ghoul popped up from behind a headstone and that was the end of peeking for me!)

I’ve ridden that ride at least a hundred or so times since that first time, and I love it every time. It’s never the same – I see things I missed during the last ride, and I really enjoy the holiday overlays for Halloween and Christmas. But that first time, whew! Still surprised we got out alive.

That’s all for now. Until later, remember to look for the magic!

 

Education: Test Anxiety

20 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Life of a 50+Student

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Education: Test Anxiety

Depression. Irritability. Sadness. Stomach pain. Headache.

I am getting better at identifying my symptoms of test anxiety. Knowing why I’m feeling these symptoms helps a little.

The most difficult part of taking college classes -for me – is the tests. I fear failure. Because good enough isn’t. It’s a core value I was taught – “That’s pretty good. I think you can do better.” (This lesson is most likely based in good, encouraging intention; personal interpretation is subjective though) And, really, who wants to bring home less than an A?

I imagine some of the people who suffer from this get over test anxiety as they mature – after all, it’s only a test. And I have become a very good student. My gpa is a consistent 4.0. I pass all my quizzes and exams with high marks. I study and I do well.

Still, those symptoms returned over the weekend – I have two quizzes scheduled this week. American Government and Liberal Math.

Recognizing that I still have fear of failure and knowing I do well on quizzes, doesn’t eliminate the somewhat Pavlovian response to these necessary academic measuring sticks.

And maybe my fear lies in knowing these are the last two classes I need to finish my AA degree in Liberal Arts. Not passing – which, based on my track record, is highly unlikely – means I’ll need to take these classes again in the Spring. Not a big deal (unless you think the symptoms indicate otherwise) but also not part of the plan. My plan. To put this type of education in the rear view for now.

Time may be the only answer – keep taking tests until this response is almost nil. If you’d like to respond, I’m open to anything you’ve actually tried that helped you.

The Squash Garden Patio Project

18 Sunday Sep 2016

Posted by in Gardening, Photographs, That's Life

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The Squash Garden Patio Project

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June 21, 2016: Future Patio cordoned off

I had this grand plan over the summer – I wanted a patio area, so we could entertain. We live in a small house of maybe 900 square feet on a large lot of around 6,000 square feet – all the comforts without any extra interior space. Literally, the office, the living room, the dining room and the den are all in one room – about 16 feet by 18 feet. Having folks over for dinner or a visit is a bit of a challenge. So, the Grand Plan: cordon off some outside space, have a patio installed, build a cover and voila – Space to entertain!

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June 21, 2016: Facing North. The Grand Patio Plan (15 feet by 17 feet)

But time was against it – another project held higher priority – and it didn’t get done. And because I had watered the area in anticipation of obtaining bids and going forward with that installation, some kind of squash volunteered to take up space.

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August 7, 2016: Volunteers and Recruits

Seeing an alternative opportunity, my husband decided to supplement the volunteers with some recruits – having started seedlings without borders – and planted some corn, some pumpkins, some butternut squash, some acorn squash, some spaghetti squash, some zucchini and some yellow squash, and some watermelon. A seemingly innocent plan for some winter vegetables…

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August 19, 2016: Volunteers are the larger plants, Recruits are smaller but catching up, Corn rises in the North.

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September 9, 2016: Baby Pumpkin, one of many

Then we went out of town for 10 days during which time my son came by to water the plants so they wouldn’t die off. We came home to a small field of green leaves.

The garden just keeps growing…

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September 13, 2o16: There are many immature fruit under all that leaf cover: butternut, acorn, spaghetti and pumpkin. Watermelon volunteer sports leaves in the foreground. (Can you spot the baby watermelon?)

This is the squash garden, with corn accompaniment, today:

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September 18, 2016: Around 9:00 am this morning… and still it grows.

I’m not clear on how we are going to get the squash out of the garden – I picked two zucchini last night, found after a ten-minute search. Horticulture Professor Husband says that the winter squash plants die off when the fruit is ready, so that will make those easier to find, if the plants don’t cover the entire property first. We can walk behind. The watermelon and the zucchini squash … that’s a different story.

I am truly grateful that we have a place to grow such an abundance of food, that the soil is happy and healthy, and that the plants seem bountiful. I hope you enjoyed this snapshot of the fall garden. Patio project on hold until next Spring.

Disneyland Memories: Tom Sawyer Island

17 Saturday Sep 2016

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Disneyland Memories: Tom Sawyer’s Island

Last night, as I was falling asleep a memory returned. My mind was going over things I’d been thinking about for a couple of days now as my mind does right before I drop off. Thoughts like trying to remember my first trip to Disneyland, and any subsequent visits during my childhood. Earlier this month I even asked each of my offspring about their memories of their first times at Disneyland (more on that in another post). And as I started to drift into sleep a very distinct memory popped into my head.

Tom Sawyer Island (until now I thought it was Tom Sawyer’s Island, but the photo of the brochure below cleared that up), when I was maybe 11 or 12. In 1975 my dad married a woman who had a couple of sons. I have a brother of my own. That gave my dad and his new wife four children. Have you ever taken four children to Disneyland for the day? I have. It’s pricey.

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Anyway, the memory is of me and my three brothers on Tom Sawyer Island. I remember going through Injun Joe’s Cave, bouncing across the barrel bridge, climbing up and down the inside and outside of Castle Rick, walking and running around the entire island pretending we were on our very own island. And my favorite part of that adventure, besides cruising over to the island on the raft, was Fort Wilderness (see a link below for visual reference and history).

Fort Wilderness history courtesy of Yesterland.

Fort Wilderness was practically a working fort with turrets and pretend guns and telescopes for spotting the enemy. There were diorama rooms of life back in the 1800s in a Fort. It was the coolest place I’d ever been, playing on Tom Sawyer Island. At home, my brother’s and I played a lot of pretend – they were all younger than me by a little – but we never had this much ‘playground’ to fuel the imagination.

That’s what I love the most about Disneyland – the inspiration and the stirring of the imagination. Imagining life in a small town while walking down Main Street, racing cars in Autopia like an adult, shrinking to the size of an atom, and taking a rocket to Mars or a shuttle out into space with a droid. Imagining. Walt did such a great job of bringing out the kid in a kid, and reminding adults of what it was like to have an imagination. I am grateful to him for creating a park where an adult can be a kid.

I also recall (I was around 11 tears old, so keep that in mind) that my dad was not too happy that he’d brought us to Disneyland (at some expense) and all we wanted to do was play on that island until the Park closed. I think we played on that island for two hours and left reluctantly to visit the other exciting attractions Walt and the Imagineers had come up with for our enjoyment and further inspiration.

I also wish I had photos from this trip and others like it from my youth. Alas, I do not. I will make sure I always take photos of my visits, of the surrounding landscape that exists until it does not, for history – mine and yours.

That’s all for now. Until later, remember to look for the magic!